Forever lacking part 2
It has come to me that I perhaps may have judged myself too highly in my previous written text. I am far, far far away from being a mediocre person. A mediocre person is at least acceptable. They hold a modicum of decency, and although of vulgar intellect, they can love and be loved dearly, and even have the potential to be part of something greater.
I am nothing of the sort and never will be. I never will be or amount to anything. There is no potential to be realized within me. What I am is an ugly, stupid, weak, useless man. The only value I currently hold if I have any of that at all is by mere coincidence.
Anyone in my place could have been what I am, maybe even better. A better friend. A better brother. A better son. I am wholly useless and disgusting. I am not a 5. I am a 0. I’m not somebody good, I’m not somebody, I’m nobody. I can’t do the most basic of anything at all.
How cruel it is that coincidence allows vermin like me to survive and subsist for so long, and not someone better. I am utterly lacking in every possible aspect that someone could. I don’t bring any value at all to the world. Not to strangers, not to people I hold dear, not to myself. If anyone else were in my circumstances, they would without a shadow of a doubt be doing a better job.
I don’t deserve anything, I’m just a whiny, dim-witted loser. I know how to love (?), but I know not how to become worthy of that love. I am incapable of feeling loved. If that has ever been sent my way, it just bounces off me and I stare at it as it lies besides my feet. I harbor no love inside of me. Love is a two-way affair. What I have is not love. I only lust after others. I am a degenerate, no-good pervert. My penis fills up whole with nothing but emptiness. There’s nothing organic there.